You have changed me in more ways than you know!!

Things, you demand not to happen in your life, are bound to fall on you someday for sure. And then you realise ,you have an immense potential to adopt to anything, but you always leave behind a part of yourself adapting to all that comes your way; and then at some point you find yourself a completely different person. I have been no different. I was a little girl then, who had no crushes, no fantasies, no longings; but friends, sports, books and grades. Then you happened. I liked talking to you for I thought I was seeking answers to everything unknown to me. I loved everyone around me, laughed at every silly thing and cried at sillier ones. And then I loved you and everything else faded away, to never resurface. I now knew happiness I haven't known before, tears I have never drawn before.Year later, I realized, I wasn’t looking for you to give me answers. I wasn’t looking to be fixed. I was just looking for reassurance-- that all is right with the world. I was looking for acceptance.You made me so much stronger just by accepting me. And that acceptance changed the way I viewed my past and my present. No fears.You changed me in more ways than you knew. I think I am a better person because of your attention and care.I want you to know, I believed when you said 'you'll always be with me, no matter what!'. Untill I didn't feel you around. And then I cried, I hated, I yelled, begged , break. I died but  could not UNLOVE.Now, i knew hurt, pain, lonliness and three years that just didn' t anyhow bring you back. This day , I know it cannot possibly hurt more.The pain is absolved and the fear is gone because there is nothing left of this soul to be ripped apart. Somehow, this emptiness is comforting now and the pain has disappeared.But no matter what I cannot brush off the thoughts of you. As for the bits and pieces of myself  I have left behind, I wonder if can ever get them back : from the cold nights to the skipping heart beats. My tears- from when my pet died to the countless times I have banged and bruised my head. My parents screaming at me because I am being mischievous, when I am laughing on the inside because I have no intention of changing ( I hope you still have that snap). My friends concerned about me. I wonder, if  I could ever get them back. I want some crying, begging God for me to be okay. I want to cry over sad movies. I want to be afraid of dying. I want my hands to tremble, not from fear but from sentiments. Could you bring me back the days I used to get upset over everyday fights; days  I could talk--freely. Days when my veins struggled to let my blood flow.I no longer feel attached to anyone, I no longer expect , I don't want to be loved anymore but I still love because you didn't teach me to unlove. Gosh!! Things don't strike me anymore and its too idealistic to be life...... Damn! I seek no acceptance anymore, atleast give me pain..You have changed me in more ways than you know......